All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells are within you.

I came across the above quote last weekend. I think it is very apt right now with the Covid virus. and the general uncertainty. The sentiment being expressed is that humanity has an infinite capacity to express its hopes and fears, its pains and its pleasures, its aspirations and devotions. The human condition is a roiling sea of conflicting emotions, impulses, beliefs and appetites.

I arrive at work excited to see how many staff are in and leave at the end of the day sad and dispirited as very few are coming in. I understand why, I could save £260 a month if I worked from home, but with very few in and little to do other than being neurotic imagining they will make my job redundant it is hard! I am however, very grateful for my job even the rather interesting things I end up tackling like urinals!

Time goes by like sands of time. Three years ago I was in Africa, a great epic travel in Namibia and South Africa to celebrate turning 53. I was also unemployed and had been for two months after being sacked from my job and was running up debt. The trip was amazing and I have no regrets. I was glad to get back to London and very grateful to get a temp job at the London Zoo, even though I was earning significantly less than my outgoings I was glad to be working. It was a cooling balm to my bruised heart having been fired and turning 50 all in the space of four months!

Some of my favourite pictures from my Zoo days. Not only was it chance to get back into working but also everyone was so kind, I guess it being a charity. I also met my fabulous Zoo girls.

Things change and time does move on like sand going through the small opening in an hourglass. I remember fifteen years ago going to see the flat I ended up buying with my cousin Fred. I loved it on sight. We have had our ups and downs, the flat and I, it broke my heart to move out however I went through a great learning curve then and it has made a stronger and more compassionate person.

Nine years ago I was in more debt than I have ever been in my life and made the difficult decision to rent my flat out and move into a house share. I could pay the mortgage but on my salary and the debt I couldn’t pay the bills or buy food. I had no longer moved into a house share and then Uncle Harold got sick and died about three months after that. January 2013 did not start well with Uncle Harold’s funeral and my job changed. My lovely boss left and I was passed around to different managers, the work situation dire. My dad died in April whilst I was in the UK and it all seemed a bit much then. Friends were there and I realised I am harder than I think I am, people are kinder than originally thought and even though I had funerals, crazy housemates and job struggles I showed up every day.

It looks like ten years until I have paid off the flat and as this week draws to a close I have to marvel at what life is. I have been lucky to have extraordinary high points and some low but I have survived it all. I will chuckle if after this blog I get knocked down by a electric scooter!

A little serious today but wishing you a wonderful fun filled weekend sending lots of love to my lovelies!

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