Insomnia

Life is an adventure with that there are some excellent times, good times and bad. I will write good posts, bad posts and sad posts. I hope I will write funny posts but sometimes there will be the scratch on the blackboard posts, this is one of those.

There are times in the early hours I feel my mother, she is saying what are you doing girl! I have had insomnia since my early twenties! I used to sleep all day and all night and then my mother died! This week has been particularly bad, I actually feel sick having not slept and wanted to write something about insomnia.

I was 23 when my mom told me she had lung cancer, I remember assuring her that she would not die! How wrong was I. In those days I was into motorbikes and endurance racing. Endurance racing is taking your motorbike into the bush and trying to kill yourself! ,I loved my bike it was a Kawasaki 175cc 2 stroke green machine.

I used to spend time with some guys on a farm outside Johannesburg, they were fun, I would visit, train and drink a little beer. I loved the freedom of the bike in the African bush. The dirt road to the farm was long with speed bumps, tricky terrain and great training! I remember the day I went to visit my friend it was late afternoon, I felt good, the sun was shining and I was on top of my game. The Alsatian dog that usually loved to chase the bike miscalculated and instead of coming up behind the bike came in front of the bike! I back braked. I did not want to injure the dog! A big mistake I did hit the dog then somersaulted over the bike, and landed on the dirt road not before hitting another smaller dog! Both dogs were fine. I was not!

My friends arrived to find me bleeding in the road, concussed. I later found out I had nearly ripped a finger off, fractured my arm, and my elbow. I was taken to hospital and the next day was told that my mom had breathing difficulties and was in the same hospital two floors down. I could not see her and she could not come up and see me, I did not sleep that night. The next day I went into the operating theater to fix my fractured arm, when I came out I was told my mom had died. I did not sleep for three days and was in so much pain, not from the injuries but from not seeing my mom. Not being to able to help my dad or even be at home. I think my life has been like travel some highs and some lows, this time though was a low. The hospital released me early to go to my moms funeral.

What I remember from that time was the long dark nights, the numbness and the knowledge that nothing would be the same again. Times have moved on. That is life and it is in the early hours I think of the many great adventures, friends and family I have. Today at 230 in the morning I wondered maybe this is a gift to see the world when it is quiet and asleep. I do know when I wake up I will have this view from my bedroom window.

So bring on another week, another week nearer to the end of lockdown. Have a fabulous weekend my lovelies!

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